Blessing
by RhodesyTash
Summary: That small amount of ecstasy and delight of the night, the tingling heat of two bodies entwined, the creation of something that could not be a blessing. Not at this stage in our lives. {Karen and Matt Fic.} New Cover Image
1. White pissy stick

**Hola! I've decided to start a fic about Karen and Matt, because I am basically in love with the thought of them being together.. And also because I'm in the mood to write some emotional blabber, so, enjoy. And review please!**

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_**Karen's P.O.V. **_

I stared down at the item in my hand, my heart pounding. This tiny, white, slim thing was causing my heart to beat ten to the dozen, who'd have known that such a simple object could do that? Is this what it felt like, realising that everything in your life was about to change? Did the other women feel like this? _Probably not._ They didn't have as much on the line.

This little white pissy stick, with two very clear lines. The lines that could only mean one thing in my life at this moment in time... Trouble.

It hadn't occurred to me that this could be a possibility. That I would end up like this. A stressful few weeks could simply have been the cause, but then I remembered; I never miss one, not even by a day. It's always exact.

_How could I have been so stupid?_ How could _we_ be so stupid?! Oh god. _Him_, it was his. He had so much more going for him than I did. I couldn't ruin everything for him, his future, plans, life. I can't hurt him with this stupid little pissy stick's revelation. It just wouldn't be fair.

_But it takes two to tango, Karen_. It was an accident. Well, not the 'tango' so to speak... I'd thought we were careful. In fact, we _were_. I didn't even realise that something bad could've happened during that moment of joy. That small amount of ecstasy and delight of the night, the tingling heat of two bodies entwined, the creation of something that could not be a blessing. Not at this stage in our lives.

I pushed the toilet lid down and sat on top of it, staring at the stick again. _It's just one, it might not even be right, Karen.. Who was I kidding?!_ I felt the tears start to sting in my eyes as I reached into the sink and picked up the second one. _Two lines_. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath before grabbing the third. _Two lines_. This was happening. Three tests in a row couldn't be wrong.

I was pregnant, well and truly up the duff. Got a bun in the oven. And all I wanted to do was cry. It wasn't a blessing... It felt like a curse.


	2. No morning text?

**Hi! This is going to be my first chapter including Matt's point of view. I think most of the time, I'm going to try and stick with Karen's point of view, and just throw in a bit of Matt's for good measure.**

**The language is a bit strong, but I don't want to make in an M.. Not yet at least. **

**Enjoy, and please review. **

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**_Matt's P.O.V. _**

The piercing sound of my alarm clock filled my ears, and I sleepily fumbled around, my hand searching the bedside table for the off button on the irritating little machine. Eventually, I switched it off and rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. I felt strange… As if something had happened, something had changed, although from what I could see, nothing was physically different, not on me, not around me. I sighed and slowly sat up, reaching out for my phone as I lent back against the head board.

I had a couple of text messages from my Mum, probably just more details about my sister's next performance that I'd agreed to go to. There was a text from Alex, an old school friend, who wanted to meet up for a pint next time I was at home, but there wasn't a text from the person I'd expected. _Karen_. Every day for about six months I'd woken up to some kind of message from her, whether it was a complaint about the traffic, or a photo of her pulling a silly face when she was bored and struggling to sleep at three in morning, always something like that. There were only a few mornings when I didn't get a message, and I was with her, so there was no need. Either we'd all stayed out at the same place, or we had done an all-nighter on the filming... And there was that one time in Spain, but well, _detail wasn't needed._ It had become a routine for her to send me a text message to wake up to, almost as if it was a friendly reminder that she was still there. '_Morning Smithers, your crazy ginger best friend is still here, still remembering to text you every day... Not going anywhere._' I chuckled to myself at that thought. It had even been her voice in my head.

I ignored Mum and Alex's texts for the time being and composed a message to Karen. It was silly to worry about her, but at the same time, it was unusual for her to not message me first thing in the morning… What if something had happened to her? Of course, I was more than likely being over the top, and she'd probably just over slept after deciding to text me when she woke up. But I couldn't be sure.

**_Morning Kaz. xxxxxx_**

I typed, adding a small happy emojii on the end of it.

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_**Karen's P.O.V. **_

I groggily awoke, after a restless night, to the soft buzzing of my phone in my ear. I slid my hand under my pillow and pulled it out, squinting at the glow of the screen. _Jesus, it was bright._ I closed my eyes and opened them one at a time, slowly allowing them to get used to the bright light.

Once they were adjusted, I saw a name that made my stomach flip. Last night's revelation flooded back into my mind, and my heart pulsed at double the speed as I unlocked my phone and waited for the message to appear.

**_'Matt ❤ - 07:08 am._**

**_Morning Kaz. xxxxxx'_**

My heart sank as I realized that I'd over slept, and I'd not left him a morning message like I normally would. I couldn't bring myself to do it, just like now: staring at this screen, knowing that I physically can't bring myself to reply. I can't pretend that everything is okay, not anymore.. Because it's not.

How would I tell him? That was the question that had kept me up all night. How could I tell him that one drunken fling was going to determine the rest of our lives? As unusual as it is, the night had brought us closer... There was no awkwardness the next morning, just a typical Matt and Kaz snuggle, then off we went pretending it never happened. Although every now and again he'd have that little knowing twinkle in his eye and we'd exchange a cheeky glance, neither of us brought up the event that had taken place almost two months ago. I couldn't tell him that we'd created a baby... He'd make a great Dad, of course he would, but it wasn't the time. He was still climbing the career ladder, as was I, but just because I had to hop off it, I didn't have to bring him down too.

And there was no way I could go through getting rid of it. I couldn't kill the tiny creature growing inside of me.

I'd thought we were careful. I knew we were. I saw him sort out the contraception. I double checked it. _Apparently not well enough._ The condom must have split, we must've been far too drunk to notice. Even the next morning it didn't occur to me that it had split.. _Had he noticed_?

I sighed and locked my phone, not ready to reply, even if all I had to say was 'morning'. I pushed myself up and lent back on my elbows, looking around the dimly lit room. It was my one bedroom flat, yet it didn't feel like home anymore. I'd have to move in a few months, this place wasn't big enough for two, and not very child safe up on the sixth floor.

My phone buzzed again and I looked down to see the name 'Steven Moffat.'_ Oh shit_. I'd have to tell him too. Well, only if I started to show over the next few months... I was leaving Doctor Who anyway, I suppose he didn't need to worry.

But I could see it now. The articles in the Newspaper's, saying I left Doctor Who because of the pregnancy, not because I was ready to leave. We'd had it planned for months that I would leave, but it had only come out recently. As soon as I announced the pregnancy, the rumors would be created and spread, and I just hoped that the brunt of it all would go to me. I'd hate for everyone at Doctor Who, and Matt to be affected.

I sighed again and dragged myself out from under the covers, getting ready to start my day.


	3. What I'd do for a cigarette

**Right, so.. Say Smillan was actually real.. And they asked for baby name suggestions? What would you choose? I need some ideas for baby names, so go ahead and leave them in a review... I might actually like a few ;)**

**And thanks to those who have followed!**

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I headed straight to make up when I arrived on set, we still had a couple of episodes to film for the start of series seven, before heading to Manhattan to film mine and Arthur's final episode in a month. All the way here, the nerves had been bubbling away inside of me, to say I was a wreck would be an understatement. I would take the time that it took to get my make-up done, to sit back and calm myself, contain the worries in my head. I had a job to do, I couldn't let anything cloud that today.

"Morning Karen." Sarah, the make-up artist greeted as I took a seat in front of the mirror.

"Morning." I replied, running my hands through my hair, then stifling a yawn.

"Tired?"

I nodded. "Do I look it?"

"A little."

I sighed. "I struggled to get to sleep, do I have bags under my eyes? Could you cover them?"

"Course I can!" Sarah smiled at me, then handed me a head band. "Pull your hair back!"

I slid the head band onto my head and made sure my hair was out of my face, then got myself comfy and patiently waited as Sarah did my make-up. After a few minutes, she started to chatter away about something her son had done last night. I knew from past conversations that he was young, four I think she'd said. Normally, most of the things she would tell me about her son would make me giggle, but not today.

It was strange, _scary even_, to think that in a few years time.. That could be me. I would be stood there, telling everyone funny things that my child had done. _Mine and Matt's child. _I wanted it all to work out, I'd always planned to have a baby after marriage, once my career was well and truly successful, but I guess that wouldn't be happening.

"Karen? Hun? Did you hear any of that?" Sarah questioned.

I bit down on my bottom lip. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I zoned out.. I'm so tired, I could fall asleep right here.."

She smiled and patted my shoulder. "It's alright, lovely. I've only got to do your eyes, then you're free to go."

I smiled and closed my eyes so she could do whatever it was she needed to. "If I fall asleep, don't laugh at me!"

"Oh, no promises there!" She teased and let out a quiet giggle.

It was silent for a few moments before I heard the door creak open.

"Morning fella's! I'm almost done here, I'll be with you any minute now!" Sarah spoke.

"It's alright, no rush." Matt's voice filled my ears and my heart started to pound. I wanted to keep my eyes shut forever, pretend I couldn't see him, pretend that I don't have this choice to make, pretend he isn't the father of this baby because he can do so much better.

"Morning Kaz!" Arthur chirped, as chairs scraped along the wooden flooring.

"Good morning." I mumbled, trying to keep still for Sarah.

"How come you didn't reply to my message this morning?" Matt asked.

Now was the time to lie._ Come on, Karen, you're an actress; make it convincing_. "Oh, crap! I forgot.. I'm sorry! I'm just so tired, I've not been feeling well."

"Oh okay. It wasn't important anyway." Matt didn't seem to pick up on my lie. "Why have you not been feeling well? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just been feeling a bit sickly. Probably just caught a bug."

"Oh, there is one going around!" Arthur spoke up. "My cousin had it for forty-eight hours!"

I let out a false groan. "Great." I complained.

Sarah laughed. "She's been like a Zombie ever since she first arrived."

I heard Matt's low chuckle. "Isn't she every morning?"

"Hey! I am not!"

"No coffee this morning, Kaz? You seem extra grumpy." Arthur teased.

"Actually no. I didn't think I could stomach it." _Another lie_. I didn't have coffee because women shouldn't drink caffeine whilst pregnant. I remembered that from one of my old school friends' pregnancy last year.

"Are you feeling better now?" Matt questioned.

"Yeah, I just need some more sleep. I'll probably drop off between takes." _If I can_.

"Right, all done!" Sarah cried.

I opened my eyes and smiled. "Thank you." My smile faltered when I caught a glance of Matt in the mirror. I took a deep breath, then stood up and turned to swap seats with one of those two. Just my luck, Arthur stood up meaning I'd have to sit next to Matt.

I slid past my co-star and sat down in the vacant seat._ I was right next to him, I could_ _tell him_. But I couldn't. I was too scared. Too scared off his possible reaction; He could pretend everything was fine and secretly hate me for controlling the rest of his life. He could reject me, _us_, because he didn't want a baby, it was a mistake. Too scared that I was going to lose my best friend. Too scared of everything at this moment in time.

"Kaz?" Matt's voice pulled me away from my thoughts. I could feel a lump starting to rise in my throat. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes I'm fine, just tired."

"We could talk to Steven, ask him to hold off filming for an hour or so, if you're not feeling too good?" He gently placed his hand on my arm and the lump rose even higher, tears forming in my eyes.

"No. I said I'm fine." I spoke bluntly, pulling my arm away from him. "I need to get changed before I get my hair done." I stood up and hurriedly left, not even waiting for a reply.

_I should have told him_. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself, blinking back the tears and swallowing the lump. _Oh what I would do for a cigarette_. Yet another thing I couldn't do, smoking whilst pregnant was a bad idea. Although, I'd seen people do it before... No. Not a good idea. I sighed and headed to the toilet before going to get changed. I'd need to recover my calm exterior, I don't think I can handle many more people asking if I'm okay. Because the bloody answer was **no**._ No I am not! Because I have the biggest situation of my life growing inside of me and I don't have a freaking clue what to do!_


	4. Spaghetti Bolognese and unspoken words

**Thank you for the follows/favourites. You guys are awesome.**

**And the Maggie Smith suggestion made me giggle!**

**Longest chapter yet for you guys, lots of Matt and Karen fluffiness in this. **

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I managed to hold myself together for the rest of the day. I was a little bit off with Matt, but I tried my hardest to pretend that everything was fine, even if the fact that I was pregnant with his baby was screaming away in the back of my mind.

We all headed towards our trailers to get ready to head home, and I couldn't wait to just slide into bed and get some proper sleep. Well, if my mind allowed me.

"Kaz!" Matt's voice came from behind me, so I turned my head to see him jogging towards me.

"Matt." I replied, doing my best to ignore my conscience as it yelled away inside of me.

"Do you fancy going for a drink later?"

"I'm sorry, I can't. I really need to get some sleep, I'm still feeling rough."

He nodded. "Oh, alright. Well what about I come over and cook you dinner? That way you can catch up on your sleep and have a nice cooked meal too."

I smiled. _He was_ _so sweet.. Why couldn't I just tell him_? "Yeah, okay. Sounds good. I'll need to tidy up a bit first, come at like six?"

"Alright." He grinned. "I'll see you later."

"You will."

He turned and walked towards his trailer, and I continued on my way. _Maybe I could_ _tell him tonight_. It would be a perfect opportunity. Just him and I, and I'd be more clear headed after getting some sleep.

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Six o'clock came around quickly. I'd rushed home to clean up; got the Hoover out, scrubbed the kitchen, binned the pregnancy tests I'd just left in my bathroom after freaking out last night. _Glad no one had a key to my flat, it wouldn't have done for someone to come in and find them_. I sighed and sat down on the sofa.

After telling Matt tonight, I would have so much to do. Call my parents and tell them, call Matt's family and tell them, sort out doctors appointments, tell Steven, more than likely end up having to write a statement for my manager to give to the press, find a new home with two rooms, buy baby clothes, baby furniture like cribs, prams and carseats. Oh god, I had so much to do. And if it doesn't go to plan, if Matt doesn't want a part of it, I'd have to do it alone. _All alone... Perhaps I couldn't do this after all_.

The buzzer going off didn't give me a chance to think about it anymore. I stood up and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Let me in, it's chucking it down!" Matt cried.

I hadn't even realised it was raining... I half-heartedly laughed and pressed the button that unlocked the door. "Come on in."

He took a few minutes to make it to my flat, more than likely because he was waiting for the lift. When he arrived, I pulled the door open and he engulfed me into a huge hug. I panicked. _Did he know? Why was he being so friendly? It was going to make it difficult for me to tell him_! I stepped back after a little bit and falsely smiled at him.

"What was that for?" I questioned.

"I don't know.. Just thought a hug might make you feel better." He shrugged.

_Karen he hugs you all the time, don't get so worked up about it._

"Oh."

He picked up the carrier bags he must have dropped before he hugged me and slid past me, walking towards the kitchen.

"What are you cooking?" I asked.

"I was thinking spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread.." He answered, putting the bags on the side. "And I brought wine."

_I couldn't drink it._ "Sounds good to me, although I think I'm going to have to give the wine a miss.."

"Why?"

_Come on Karen, think of a good excuse_. "I'm still feeling a little icky, I'll stick to water."

He nodded. "Yeah, silly idea to get wine really.."

"Not at all, you can knock yourself out and crack it open. Drink the whole bottle if you want. You know where the glasses are."

He chuckled. "Alright. Well, I'll make a start on this.. You can go and get some sleep, pretend I'm not even here!"

I half heartedly smiled. _Easier said than done_. "Thanks. I'll set an alarm for quarter past seven."

"If you're not out here by half past I'll come and find you."

"Okay."

I turned and walked towards the bedroom. I wanted to get some sleep, but I highly doubted I would. It would probably be even harder to sleep with him here.

I shut my bedroom door behind me and shrugged off my cardigan before crawling onto the bed and lying down on top of the duvet. I curled up into a ball on my side and closed my eyes. I so desperately wanted it all to work out. I just wanted myself and my child, _and Matt_, to be happy. Maybe I was underestimating him, degrading him. I knew him so well, maybe better than I knew myself, so why did I think that he was going to have a bad reaction to this? We'd never really discussed children before, just the quick 'oh no, I don't want kids for a while yet' kind of thing that occurred in conversations.

Truth was, I really didn't know how he was going to react.. I didn't have a bloody clue at all. I was his best friend, we'd slept together once and it resulted in a pregnancy.. I couldn't possibly know what he would do when he found out, I just wanted it to be good. I wasn't expecting him to come out with a huge confession where he stated that he was crazily in love with me and the baby was the best thing that ever happened to him, because that wasn't likely to happen at all. I didn't love him, not as anything more than a best friend.. _I think_. I'd never considered it before. But I still didn't expect us to be some big happy family, it was likely that we wouldn't ever be, but I wanted Matt to turn around and say that he'd be there for me, that we'd still be best friends even if we have a child.

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I awoke to the buzzing of my phone alarm a little while later. It was starting to get dark, my phone glowing brightly in the dimly lit room. I swiped my finger across the screen to stop the alarm, then slowly sat up. I took a deep breath, the smell of Matt's cooking filling my senses. I had to tell him at dinner. Maybe after he'd had a couple of glasses of wine.

I shuffled off of the bed and climbed to my feet, I flicked the light on, then checked my appearance in the mirror. When I was satisfied that I looked okay, I grabbed my cardigan and put it back on, then headed out towards the kitchen.

Matt had put the radio on quietly and his head was bobbing away to a radiohead song as he stirred something in a pan on the hob. I would've laughed if I wasn't so nervous.

"Something smells good." I spoke, emerging from the door way.

He snapped his head around to look at me. "Bloody hell, Kaz! You scared me!"

"Sorry."

He smiled and placed the spoon on the side. "Good sleep?"

"Yeah, I could have done with longer, but I feel a little better." I answered.

"Good. I hope you're hungry!"

"I am now I've had a wiff of this spag bol!"

"Great to hear! It'll be done any minute now!" He grinned.

True to his word, we sat down to eat just five minutes later. I'd managed to eat most of mine, but started to feel sick as I realised that we were almost done and I still hadn't managed to tell him. As expected, I was scared. I really didn't know what to say. Would 'I'm pregnant with your baby' be too blunt? Or should I mention Spain then drop in that the condom broke?

"Right, you go and sit down and I'll quickly load the dishwasher!" Matt spoke, standing up and collecting the plates.

"It's alright, I'll do it. Afterall, you did all the cooking!"

"Don't be silly. Go and sit down, pick a DVD for us to watch or something?"

I sighed. "Okay." I got to my feet and picked up my glass.

Matt turned to walk into the kitchen and I quickly stopped him. "Matt?"

"Yeah?" He looked over his shoulder at me.

"I er need to tell you something.. When you come back through?"

He raised a questioning eyebrow, but nodded too. "Okay. I won't be long."

I watched him go, then let out a puff of breath that I didn't even realise I had been holding. I walked through the arch into the living room and flopped down on the sofa, trying to remain calm. I was just moments away from telling him that I was having his baby... I was petrified. My hands were sweaty, my heart thumping away in my chest.

Moments later, he appeared under the arch and took a seat next to me. "You wanted to tell me something?"

I nodded. I was starting to feel sick. "Yeah, er, I-"_ I couldn't do this_. "I just wanted to say that I'm so glad I got to meet you, and work with you. The past few years have been amazing."

_Shit_. _Karen! Why didn't you tell him?! It was a perfect opportunity. Crap, damn, oh my god. What a bloody idiot! Stupid, stupid girl!_

He chuckled. "Aw, Kaz! It's been a pleasure to work with you! And meet my best friend, if it wasn't for Doctor Who, who'd have known where we would be today!"

_Well, I wouldn't be pregnant. You wouldn't be here right now. _

"God knows." I gave my best false smile.

He smiled back. "I'm going to miss you, you know?"

"I'll miss you too."

"Right, anyway, did you pick a DVD?"

"No.. Thought I'd let you pick seeings as you're the guest!" I lied.

"Oh, okay!" He stood up and crossed the room to my DVD cupboard where he knelt down and looked through for something to watch.

_Oh god, why didn't I just tell him?! If I couldn't tell him now, would I ever get the chance again?! Would I actually ever be verbally able to tell him, or would I chicken out each time?! Oh blimey I was such a wimp._

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_**Matt's P.O.V.**_

We were sat on the sofa, I think the time was about half eleven. Karen had curled up in a ball and fallen asleep with her head on my chest about twenty minutes ago. The latest Superman film was playing along in the background, but I wasn't watching it. I was too busy watching Kaz as she slept. She looked peaceful, content, nothing like she had today.

She'd told me she felt ill, but it was obvious that she had something playing on her mind. I had honestly thought that she was going to tell me after dinner, but she came out with a load of blabber about how good it was to meet me and work with me.

Unless that had been the issue... Maybe she was having second thoughts about leaving Doctor Who. She was dead set on leaving just a few months back, I mean, Steven had written it all, even cast the next companion. She couldn't go back on her word now, as much as she wished she could. Maybe she was worrying that Arthur and I would lose contact with her when it all ended. _She was wrong_. There was no way on earth that she could get rid of me now, we were going to be close friends for the rest of our lives, even if it meant I had to kill her before she started to hate me.

She wiggled slightly and buried her head further into me, causing me to be torn away from my thoughts. I smiled at her sleeping frame, then quickly slid out from underneath her. I scooped her up into my arms, knowing that nothing could wake her now, and carried her into the bedroom. I laid her on the bed and pulled off her jacket and socks, _I knew she hated to sleep in them,_ then gently placed the covers on top of her. I lent down and pressed my lips to her forehead, then crept out of the room, quietly closing the door behind me.


End file.
